Comments on: Dan Brennan – Friendships between Men and Women

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By: Reimagining The Slippery Slope « Jonathan Brink

Reimagining The Slippery Slope « Jonathan Brink — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 15:38:38 +0000

[...] was watching a video this morning of Dan Brennan and Spencer Burke talk about male female relationships. It’s a [...]

By: Mark

Mark — Sat, 29 May 2010 03:37:29 +0000

Dan, this is a great reminder of the value of cross gender relationships. It’s timely and appropriate in my life right now. I think a core issue, or perspective, is to value the other person, seeing the image of God in him/her to the point that you simply refuse to do something that will harm. Of course that is easy to say and not as easily practiced, but I think the openness you speak of, bathed in seeing the other with the utmost value helps immensely.

By: jeff

jeff — Wed, 12 May 2010 07:25:31 +0000

true dat. church folks(men and women) tend to be maladjusted, confusing spirituality with safety. Those folks who are phobic need some less than nice observations describing their behavior. If someone could place a truthful yet rude text within their reach, I’d sign an autograph.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Wed, 12 May 2010 04:29:03 +0000

Jeff,

I hear what you’re saying – I just wish it actually worked like that If we could tell everyone to take responsibility for pursuing good relaitonships, and it would actually happen, then I’d be very happy. The problem is that in many circles the idea that men and women can be friends, or that it’s even okay for men and women on the same church staff to ride in a car together, is still unthinkable. I could name the long list of men I’ve known who think it’s a good idea to refuse to ride in an elevator with me because of my gender, nevermind be friends with me – and they have no idea what that position says to women.

I wish people could just get it – but my experience is that many don’t. I’m glad for a book that helps the conversation along.

By: jeff

jeff — Wed, 12 May 2010 04:08:39 +0000

When I say self help-ish I should clarify that this my perception of the cultural message in any topic whose treatment expresses self help values. For example, It would be rare to find a self help book that poses an irresolvable problem. Self help-ish thinking involves one person the helper giving another person, the helpee, an all encompassing solution to significant problem. Some problems can only be “solved” by Life itself. To eradicate the problem is to give up living, whereas to live with the problem generates vitality. (Ironically the reader will note that solving the instinct-to-self help problem perpetuates it).

The following excerpt epitomizes the self help formula by presenting a problem and the all encompassing solution:

Let’s take personal responsibility for pursuing good relationships with clear boundaries, which develop nearness and bonding—for which our lives will be richer and reflective of the full body of Christ.

does this clarify?

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Tue, 11 May 2010 17:21:37 +0000

jeff – I’m confused about how you see this as self-helpish. Can you say more?

By: jeff

jeff — Tue, 11 May 2010 04:01:55 +0000

Although I welcome the broaching of any topic, it is inevitable that values are expressed in the manner chosen to approach any topic. The self help values expressed in this approach to relationships mislead individuals to develop self-helpish, maladjusted thinking around an area of significant, natural frustration and healthy challenge. It is healthy to get dogged once in a while, for example and really not know why. But to make “getting dogged once in a while and really not know why” into self help topic is what mom says is like making ” a mountain out of mole hill.” Mom also says write a song about it, you’ll feel better (or worse depending on the song.)